If you've typed “sperm donor near me” into a search bar at 1 a.m., you've met three words that sound alike and mean very different things: anonymous, open-ID, and known. This is the short, plain version of what the third one means.
Three words, three different things
An anonymous donor is a number. You may get a childhood photo and an essay; your child, in most cases, gets nothing more.
An open-ID donor agrees that his identity can be released to the child, usually once the child turns 18, and usually through a third party.
A known donor is a person you have met. You know his name, you've seen his face, you've asked him your questions directly. There's no waiting until 18 because there is nothing to wait for.
What “known” means in practice
For the families I work with, it comes down to a few concrete things:
- You and I talk before anything else happens. A real conversation, not a questionnaire.
- You see my health screening, not a summary of it.
- We agree, out loud and in plain words, on what I am to your child, what I'm not, and how we stay in touch.
- Your child can know who I am from the start, in whatever words you choose for their age.
What it doesn't mean
Known doesn't mean co-parent. I don't make decisions about your child's life, I don't have a say in their name or their school, and I don't show up unannounced. For most families, that's the part they're most relieved to hear.
It also doesn't mean untested. The screening is the same panel a fertility program runs; the difference is that you receive the results from a person who will answer the phone afterwards.
The questions worth asking
Ask any known donor these, and listen for how quickly and how plainly he answers: When were you last tested for STIs, and can I see the actual lab report, not a summary? Have you had genetic carrier screening, and will you share the results? Can I see your semen analysis? Do you smoke, drink or use anything, and what does an ordinary week look like for you?
Where I stand
I'm open from day one, I'm in South Florida, and I ship across the US. Most of my answers to the questions above are on the home page and in the FAQ; the rest I'll give you on the call. If you want to hear them in my own voice, write to me.